I'm Not Ready For This!

The call to care giving comes whether we are ready or not. And have you ever met anyone who was really ready? This is one of those roles that crosses our minds over the course of time, but does not compel us to action until we are faced squarely with situations that demand handling. This quality of not being “ready” is the great equalizer for us all in the category of care giving.

So, what is ready? There is the practical type of ready that is more easily achievable. Information about products and services, providers and tools, financial matters and options can be gathered at nearly any time and often (but surely not always) before a situation grows critical. And yet, there are few who spend precious time gathering information they do not need before they need it. Making a note now, however, of where you might find information or even who out there might help you find that information when you need it is worth a few minutes.

The bigger category of “ready,” however, is the emotional side. Even when the signs are there with an aging parent or relative, or with someone else in your life showing signs of physical or mental illness, injury or decline, the tendency is to “wait and see.” Ever fearful that we might “borrow trouble” by reflecting on certain “what if” scenarios, we stave off imagining ourselves as caregivers. “I don’t know how to do this,” one woman cried as we discussed the types of changes she could make to her home before moving her mother in with her. “I don’t want to do this!” another said angrily to no one in particular as I demonstrated how a “Hoyer” patient lift works. “I won’t do this,” a man in his 70s exclaimed as he tried to lift a wheelchair into the trunk of his car so he could take his 94-year old aunt to a doctor’s appointment. He sat down heavily in the wheelchair himself. “I need someone to take care of me soon,” his eyes filling up.

Professionals in the field of care giving urge families to talk about the topic before it is needed and surely when it is needed. Creating plausible (but not terrifying) scenarios of what the aging process might look like and how each party will cope. Understanding wishes and needs of the individual likely to need the care and the potential caregiver puts things into the light of day, giving everyone the chance to imagine, at least for a short time, how you will each handle it when “going to the bathroom” or “getting dressed” are no longer just the realm of one person alone in a room.

More than anything, “ready” is an attitude that requires confidence, curiosity and more than a pinch of courage.

Email Kathryn with your caregiving questions and comments. Kathryn also writes tips and reviews about mobility equipment at examiner.com/mobility